Are you dating someone—or are you someone yourself—who shuts down during arguments or tough conversations? This is a typical response to conflict, especially for those who have insecure attachment styles. For example, anxiously attached individuals might grow so overwhelmed with fear that they eventually go numb. On the other hand, avoidant partners might naturally pull away and shut down any conversation as well.Regardless of the reason, the individual’s shutdown behavior can negatively impact the relationship. Here’s how to handle someone who shuts down—whether it’s you or your partner.Addressing your habit of shutting down During ArgumentsIf you’re the one shutting down, there are a few steps you can take to address the issue. In my personal experience, as someone who often becomes extremely anxious and eventually emotionally depleted from her obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), I approach this mental state with as much grace as possible. I know how little you want to do—or even can physically do—when you’re in this freeze or fawn state. First, it’s essential to inform your partner about what’s happening. You can ask for space or tell them exactly what you need/are capable of giving in return. If they push for conversation too soon or attempt to overstep your boundaries, kindly yet firmly reassure them that you will have a conversation as soon as you’re back in your body.Another great tool is journaling. I often have conversations with myself—yes, with myself-in my shadow journal, asking myself questions like “What are you feeling right now?” or “What set you off?” I then answer with complete honesty, ensuring that I don’t judge myself in the process.When you feel comfortable, consider calling a trusted person, such as a therapist, a close friend, or a family member who you know won’t shame or criticize you. This can help remind you who you are and ground you back into the present moment. All the while, ensure you’re taking care of your basic needs without adding any extra pressure on yourself. Drink plenty of water, eat some food, and get plenty of rest. Listen to your body, and don’t feel guilty if you need to cancel plans or take a day off. Of course, when in doubt, it also helps to consult a professional about this pattern so you can identify its root cause.Addressing your partner’s habit of shutting downWhen your lover shuts down, whether during a fight or out of the blue due to other stressors, it can trigger fear of loss or abandonment in some people. However, it’s important to allow them the same space you allow yourself in those moments. They’re human, and they deserve to process their emotions in a way that feels most comfortable for them.Of course, it’s totally fair to expect compassion and communication in return. You deserve to know when your partner needs space, so you can anticipate times when conversation may lapse. Additionally, don’t be afraid to offer support—even if it seems they don’t want it. While you certainly don’t want to be pushy, people often don’t know how to ask for what they want/need when they’re in shutdown mode. A simple “let me know if you want me to bring you dinner” or “I’m here if you need to talk through anything” can go a long way in reassuring your partner that you’re still on their side.In the meantime, find ways to meet your own needs and practice self-care so you’re not neglecting yourself.The post What To Do if Your Partner Shuts Down During Arguments appeared first on VICE.