While it’s beneficial to be aware of various conditions and recognize distinct patterns of behavior within relationships, overusing such labels can be detrimental. Statements like “You’re being a narcissist,” “You’re acting toxic,” “You’re manipulating me,” especially when someone is having healthy human reactions, can create a power dynamic. The other person might immediately shut down and worry that their behavior is harmful, even if it isn’t.For example, just because you’re voicing discomfort over a crossed boundary doesn’t mean you’re “controlling.” Just because your partner doesn’t recall the same story you do when hashing out a situation doesn’t mean they’re “gaslighting” you.What Is Psychological Labeling?Psychological labeling refers to pathologizing an individual or their behavior via the use of specific, mental-health-related terms. Oftentimes, this is done as a form of protection. When one partner feels cornered or disagrees with their significant other, they might immediately jump to the defense and blame-shift. They then make the other person feel like they’re in the problem, or even that something is psychologically wrong with them.While the intention isn’t always malicious, some people do use it as a form of control. Oftentimes, it’s the actual abusive partners who intentionally paint the other person in a bad light so they can gain more power over them. The Dangers of Psychological LabelingCreates an Uneven Power DynamicWhen one person claims to know more about the other person’s psychological state than they do, this subconsciously creates a power dynamic within the relationship. The one doing the labeling might assert themselves as the more “mature,” “enlightened,” “healed” partner, causing the other to idolize them while they assume moral superiority.Damages Sense of SelfNot only might psychological labeling be distressing for the person on the receiving end, but it can even trigger extreme self-doubt. When the person begins to question their own reality, they risk losing parts of themselves they once held firmly and close.For example, as someone who struggles with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), I already deal with a brain that tells me I’m “crazy” and a “bad person.” I cycle negative thoughts about myself constantly, so if someone I love were to label me, I likely would jump to agree with them. It would validate what I already fear about myself: that something is deeply wrong with me. That I’m capable of hurting people. That my feelings and needs aren’t valid.Discredits the Other Person’s RealityWe all have different wants, needs, and boundaries in relationships. When one person tries to pathologize or even demonize the other person’s desires, it inevitably invalidates their reality. For example, someone might label their partner as “anxiously attached” or “codependent” merely for wanting more time together or communication throughout the week. Alternatively, one person might use the term “avoidant” or say they’re “stonewalling” if they ask for space. These labels can immediately invalidate the other person’s experience.How to Avoid Psychological LabelingIt might be tempting to use buzzwords when everyone around you is doing so. It seems almost trendy to label authentic human behavior as such simply because it clashes with one’s own. And while you might have good intentions, weaponizing psychological labeling in this way never helps a situation. Instead, you can express how you feel about a given issue. For example, if you feel your partner isn’t hearing you, rather than claiming they’re a gaslighter or narcissist, be honest about how their behavior is impacting you. “I feel like you’re not hearing me, and it makes me feel like I’m in this alone” is far more powerful than jumping to harsh accusations and labels. We all have our own versions of reality.The post 3 Reasons Therapy Speak Is Ruining Your Relationship appeared first on VICE.