You never know what’s going to stick in the littlest minds. “Sometimes I’ll have kids tell me something their grandmother or coach said—and it might be something that the rest of us would shrug off, but for that child, it really made an impact,” says Amy Morin, a therapist and author of 13 Things Strong Kids Do. That’s why it’s important for parents to get into the habit of repeating nuggets of wisdom that become mantras bouncing around in their kids’ minds for potentially years to come.[time-brightcove not-tgx=”true”]We asked Morin and other therapists to share the easy-to-remember gems they wish every kid knew.“Mean people are just showing how they feel about themselves.”If someone is bullying you, Morin tells her youngest clients, it’s because they feel bad about themselves. “It’s so important for kids to know that if you felt good about yourself, you’d be kind to other people,” she says. “Mean peoples’ words and behaviors are a reflection of what’s going on inside of them, not you.” That’s not an excuse for bullies’ hurtful behavior, she adds. But it does invite empathy. Ideally, kids will start to think, “OK, there’s something else going on with this person that I don’t know about,” Morin says—and then they won’t take that name-calling or those mean words quite so personally.“Listen to your shoulder angel.”When Morin talks to kids, she explains that we all have a “devil” on one shoulder telling us to do things that might feel good in the moment but that aren’t the best choice, and an “angel” on the other telling us to do the right thing. “Those are the two voices you hear in your head when Mom says, ‘Don’t eat the cookie,’ and the little devil says, ‘No, grab it,’ and your shoulder angel’s saying, ‘No, you really shouldn’t,’” she says. “You have the power to decide which one you’re going to listen to.” Read More: 10 Questions to Ask Your Kid Besides ‘How Was School?’That’s a valuable lesson about how good it feels to be able to make a choice, which can boost kids’ confidence and independence. Plus, it helps those who get in trouble for misbehaving—who might be labeled “bad” kids—feel less alone, Morin says, since they’ll figure out that everyone is tempted by their “shoulder devil” sometimes.“Asking for help is a kind of bravery.”Certainly, independence is important. But kids don’t need to figure everything out on their own—and learning that it’s OK to ask for help is a lifelong skill. “It’s vulnerable, for sure, and I think that’s why people don’t always do it,” says Naveen Khalfan, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Headspace. “But vulnerability is a strength.”“Not everyone has to like you, and that’s OK. You’re still enough.”Growing up, kids often learn that they should behave in people-pleasing ways. “They’re constantly trying to fit into boxes or places where they think they’re going to be accepted,” Khalfan says. “Of course, you need your tribe, and you need to feel belonging. But if you’re constantly just trying to fit into other people’s images of who you should be, you’re never going to be authentic.” That tendency can persist throughout someone’s life, she adds, leading to constant struggles with identity and self-acceptance.“Just because you have a thought doesn’t make it true.”It’s OK to question your brain—and in fact, it’s a good idea to get in the habit of noticing and challenging negative thoughts. “We have this idea that if we’re thinking something, we have to pay attention to it, and that there’s meaning there,” says Natalie Bernstein, a psychologist in Pittsburgh. That’s not necessarily the case. Instead, “approach that thought with curiosity,” she advises kids. “Be an investigator—don’t just take it as a fact. Look into it a little bit.”“Worry hangs out in the future, so let’s think about it when we get there.”So much of what we worry about never comes to fruition—or, if it does, it’s not nearly as bad as expected. So why waste all that precious time and energy imagining worst-case scenarios? “It’s much easier to wait and know that you can handle it,” Bernstein says. “Anticipation isn’t protective, even though we think it is.”“Making mistakes doesn’t make you bad—it just means you’re learning.”This is one of the most important lessons to instill in kids. Khalfan has noticed that when some young people try something new, they give up if they’re not great at it right away.“We live in this perfectionist world where it’s like, ‘Oh, you have to be doing things right the first time around, and if you don’t, then something is wrong with you or you’re stupid,” Khalfan says. “That’s really sad, because when you’re learning to walk, do you not stumble a million times?” “All feelings are OK, but hurtful actions aren’t.”It’s OK to feel angry, but not to hit someone. And it’s OK to be sad, but not to scream loudly in public, Morin likes to say.“A lot of kids and parents in my therapy office confuse angry feelings with aggressive behavior,” she says. If, for example, a 7-year-old tells her they pushed someone on the playground because the other kid was a jerk, Morin explains that being upset is normal; it’s what you do with those feelings that matters. That helps the young people she works with get better at communicating their emotions. “A kid who can say ‘I’m mad’ is much less likely to go up and kick someone in the shins,” she says. “It’s the kids who struggle to understand that feeling, or to identify it, that feel like they have to show you how much that hurt their feelings.”“Your body belongs to you.”You get to decide who gives you hugs or high-fives—and it’s always OK to say no. Reinforcing this message teaches kids “so many” things, Khalfan says, including the importance of boundaries and always considering whether you feel safe and comfortable in a given situation. That’s what she’s instilling in her young son right now. “He’s super extroverted and really friendly with people, and I like that he trusts everybody,” she says. “But I also feel like he needs to learn to be a little more aware of—who is everybody?”“If you can name it, you can tame it.”Kids don’t get formal training on how to identify their feelings—but any therapist will tell you it’s a crucial skill that can help kids handle painful emotions, like disappointment, embarrassment, or rejection.Read More: 10 Questions to Ask Your Parents While You Still Can“If we can teach kids from an early age to start to really identify what it is that they’re feeling, it automatically lessens the impact,” Bernstein says. “If you can identify what you’re feeling, then you know how to work through it, and you’re not stuck with it.”“You are loved for who you are, not what you do.”In this achievement-oriented world, when kids are overscheduled with extras—like private lessons and multiple leagues—it’s easy to equate success with worthiness. “Validation can feel like it’s only coming through their performance on the sports team,” Bernstein says. But what happens if you decide you want to quit softball or don’t have a good game? It’s important to start learning at an early age that “your parents aren’t there because they’re thinking you’re going to hit a home run,” she says. “They’re there because they want to support you and you like the sport.” The sooner that message becomes imprinted on a kid’s brain, the less likely they are to lean into the anxiety and perfectionism that could chase them for a lifetime.