A few days ago, I was on the phone with a friend, discussing our love lives while painting our nails. She went on a rant about this new guy, who’s sweet, kind, and thoughtful. But during the date, he let it slip how he used the help of an AI chatbot to frame a couple of answers while texting. “Yaar, instant ick I tell you,” she sounded exasperated. When I asked, “but you also talk to AI sometimes? she replied, “Yeah, but that’s different. I don’t use AI to write my texts for me, na!”The guy was sweet, so I suggested she stop being so picky and say yes to a second date. But when I hung up later that night, it got me thinking: Are we really so quick to write off people? Is that why dating feels so hard nowadays?For those unaware, an “ick” is a sudden feeling of repulsion toward someone you were previously attracted to, triggered by something small, and often irrational. Not a red flag. Not a dealbreaker rooted in values. It can be something as simple as the way they chew, how they run, their laugh, a weird texting habit, or saying a word like “yummy” unironically. And suddenly… attraction evaporates.For this story, I spoke to Gen Z at length to understand what they consider to be dating icks. From the silliest to the gravest ick — wearing a baseball cap backwards to mispronouncing a particular word, fake promising to show up with flowers to trying to rush to intimacy too soon, here’s what the young voices of this generation find unattractive in dating.Auhona Roy Chowdhury, 24, from Kolkata, feels there’s no bigger ick than when a guy speaks ill of his exes, while Rhythm Sharma, a Delhi-based journalist, thinks being politically unaware is an instant turn-off for her. Savita Tripathy, a UPSC aspirant, said men cracking jokes that disguise misogyny and belittle women are where it’s at. Rickin Sanklecha, who works at a Bengaluru-based venture capital firm, finds shallow and selfishness extremely icky.Kritty Gahatraj believes the ick culture reflects a growing tendency in modern dating to over-index on minor imperfections, often amplified by social media narratives that normalise instantly dismissing potential partners. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Logan Ury (@loganury)“As someone working in communications and observing youth culture closely in a fast-paced city like Delhi, I see this as both a symptom of choice overload and the pressure to curate “perfect” relationships,” said the PR professional based out of New Delhi.Dating apps and online discourse have made people more self-aware but also more critical, where a small quirk can be framed as a deal-breaker rather than a point of individuality.Story continues below this ad“While humour around the ‘ick’ can be harmless, constantly looking for flaws can discourage patience, empathy, and genuine connection qualities that relationships ultimately rely on,” says Gahatraj.For many young people, the challenge today is balancing healthy standards with openness to imperfection. Because, in the long run, meaningful relationships are built not on flawless first impressions, but on the ability to understand, communicate, and grow with another person beyond surface-level judgment.What exactly is ick culture?Sumir Nagar, relationship and performance coach, explains ick culture as the normalisation, and even celebration to some extent, of micro-turn-offs as valid reasons to lose interest in a person and walk away. It has become a shared language, especially on platforms like TikTok and Instagram, where people trade “icks” like collectibles.For example, “He clapped when the plane landed. Instant ick.” It’s half humour, half social signaling… and occasionally, quiet self-sabotage. Nagar elaborates that icks are not just about quirks — there are deeper dynamics at play.Story continues below this ad“Hyper-filtering in the age of abundance and dating apps has trained people to believe that there’s always someone better one swipe away. So our tolerance drops and minor imperfections start to feel like disqualifiers,” he said. According to him, fear of vulnerability (in certain cases disguised as standards) plays a crucial role. “Calling something an ‘ick’ can be easier than admitting that one is unsure, scared of getting too close, and unwilling to invest emotionally. So ick becomes an easy way to reject someone by hiding behind the pretense of humour.Tanvi Singh, mental health expert and founder of Leap of Love Foundation, agreed with him, explaining how dating from a place of hypervigilance can only be a recipe for disaster in the long run. Someone could be kind, respectful, and consistent. But if they come across as slightly awkward, or not smooth enough, or maybe a little too eager, suddenly it’s a turn-off. “That’s not really about compatibility. That’s about low emotional bandwidth,” she added.Where the problem liesThe sad truth is that people aren’t just dating anymore— they’re observing and evaluating in real-time, almost like an audience. Every behaviour becomes content, and we have begun confusing compatibility with aesthetic preference.Nagar says we’ve blurred the line between core incompatibility (values, respect, emotional maturity) and surface-level irritation (how someone holds a fork).Story continues below this adSo here’s where it gets a bit uncomfortable. “If you let ‘icks’ lead the decision-making, you don’t end up with better partners. You end up with shorter attention spans in relationships, lower emotional resilience, and a constant search loop,” said Nagar. Here’s where the irony lies. The more you look for perfection, the more human behaviour starts to disgust you.But again, not all icks are useless. Some are also valuable signals. But the real question is: is this an ‘ick’… or is this information?Nagar says if an ick reflects values, disrespect, and emotional immaturity, you should pay attention. But if it’s just style, habit, harmless quirks, maybe grow up a little, because long-term attraction isn’t built on flawless behavior. It’s built on understanding, context, and a bit of tolerance for the fact that humans are deeply, consistently weird.Can you ever get past an ick?Singh believes it is possible to do so. According to her, the first step is to pause and not react immediately. If someone is disrespectful, dismissive, manipulative, and inconsistent, that’s not an ick. That’s a pattern.Story continues below this adBut if someone bites their nails, eats loudly, says something awkward, isn’t great at texting, or doesn’t match your exact idea of “cool”, that’s human. And those are things you can understand rather than instantly reject.Singh added that attraction doesn’t always come perfectly packaged. “Sometimes it builds, and sometimes it grows once you feel safe, seen, or understood. But if you keep exiting at the first sign of discomfort, you don’t give that a chance,” she said.And honestly, we often forget to turn the lens on ourselves.The same way we get an ‘ick’, someone else could get one from us, the way we talk, behave, react on a bad day.Story continues below this adSo the question isn’t “can I avoid every ick?”, but “whether I can stay long enough to understand what actually matters”. If you keep looking for turn-offs, you’ll always find them. But if you stay a little longer, you might actually find a person.DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to.