Nakuul Mehta, along with his wife Jankee, recently spoke about everyday parenting language on their podcast, The Indian Parent Pod. During the conversation, the couple highlighted several common phrases they believe parents should avoid saying to children.Among the examples they discussed were statements like “boys don’t cry”, playful phrases such as “nangu-pangu” or “shame shame”, asking children to exchange hugs for treats, forcing them to share toys without considering their feelings, and repeatedly telling them to “be a good boy” or “good girl”.While many of these expressions are used casually in households, psychologists say the words adults use around children can shape how they understand emotions, their bodies, and personal boundaries.According to Dr Munia Bhattacharya, Senior Consultant in Clinical Psychology at Marengo Asia Hospitals, Gurugram, conversations around parenting language are useful, but they also need to be viewed realistically. View this post on Instagram A post shared by theindianparentpod (@theindianparentpod) Parenting does not have to be perfectDr Bhattacharya notes that parents often try to follow ideal parenting advice while juggling multiple responsibilities. “I think conversations like these are useful because they bring attention to children’s emotional well-being,” said Dr Bhattacharya. “At the same time, everyday parenting happens in the middle of work pressure, household responsibilities, and family expectations.”Because of these pressures, many parents already feel overwhelmed by the idea of doing everything “right”. “In my experience as a psychologist, parenting does not have to be perfect to be effective,” she said. “What matters more is awareness. Even small changes in how parents speak to their children about emotions, boundaries, and self-worth can make a meaningful difference.”She adds that children primarily need emotional safety at home. “Children do not need perfect parents. What they really need is an emotionally safe environment where they feel heard, respected, and accepted,” Dr Bhattacharya explained.ALSO READ | Nakuul Mehta opens up about the ‘pain of being the second preferred parent’; ways to rebuild bondWhy telling boys not to cry can affect emotional healthOne of the most common messages boys hear growing up is that they should not cry or show vulnerability. Dr Bhattacharya says this messaging is widespread and often comes from well-meaning parents who want their sons to appear strong.Story continues below this ad“Many boys grow up hearing phrases like ‘don’t cry’, ‘be strong’, or ‘boys don’t show weakness’,” she said. “Usually parents say this with good intentions because they want their sons to be resilient.”However, the long-term impact can be different. “What actually happens is that boys start learning that certain emotions are not acceptable,” Dr Bhattacharya explained. “Instead of understanding their feelings, they push them down.”“Later in life, these emotions may appear as anger, frustration, or difficulty expressing feelings in relationships,” she said. “When boys are repeatedly told not to cry, they do not become emotionally stronger. They simply learn to suppress feelings they may struggle to understand later.”Can playful body shaming affect confidence?Terms like “shame shame” or “nangu-pangu” are commonly used in Indian households, often in a playful tone. But psychologists say even lighthearted comments about a child’s body can leave lasting impressions.Story continues below this ad“Children are very sensitive to how adults talk about their bodies,” said Dr Bhattacharya. “Even when adults say these things playfully, children often internalise the message.”Over time, these associations can influence how children see themselves. “In therapy, I often meet teenagers who struggle with body image issues,” she said. “Sometimes when we explore their early memories, they recall moments where their bodies were teased or commented on during childhood.”What may feel like harmless humour to adults can linger in a child’s memory. “Casual words used in childhood about the body may seem harmless to adults, but they can quietly shape a child’s body image and self-confidence for years,” Dr Bhattacharya added.When affection becomes a transactionAnother example discussed on the podcast was asking children to exchange affection for rewards, such as saying “give me a hug if you want a chocolate”.Story continues below this adWhile this may appear playful, psychologists say it can unintentionally send confusing messages about consent and boundaries. “This is something that often happens casually in families and social gatherings,” said Dr Bhattacharya. “Adults usually say it jokingly and do not mean any harm.”However, the repeated pattern can influence how children interpret affection. “When affection is linked with rewards, children may slowly begin to believe that hugs, kisses, or physical closeness are something they should offer in order to receive approval or gifts,” she explained.Teaching children that affection should always be voluntary is an important lesson. “It is very important for children to understand that their body belongs to them,” Dr Bhattacharya said. “Affection should always come from comfort and choice.”When children feel comfortable saying no to physical contact, even with familiar adults, they begin to understand personal boundaries. “That early understanding of consent and boundaries is extremely important for their emotional development,” she added.